Out For Blood

Had a physical in March. Was told to get blood work done. Was told to fast for 12 hours. Are you kidding me? One would think this to be pretty easy- just go first thing in the morning, right? Well, one would be wrong. I like to eat late at night AND early in the morning. One cannot survive on three meals alone- dinner til bed is a long time to go without chips. Am I right?!!?!?

Last night I was busy sanding my new window boxes (I’ll be writing a separate post on that), so I didn’t get a chance to stuff my face with delicious tortilla chips. This sounds like the perfect set up for blood work this morning- except that because I’m sooooo good at planning that we didn’t eat dinner until 8:15 last night! We opened the pool yesterday- YAY! It was green- BOOO! We vacuumed and shocked it- now it’s clear -YAY! It’s only 50 degrees out today- BOOO!

Clearly not medicated yet… stupid fasting…

As I’ve mentioned before, I love me some banana with peanut butter every morning for breakfast. Instead of getting going on my day this morning, I had to watch my kids eat breakfast while I did NOT enjoy my banana and peanut butter OR my coffee OR the 20oz of water I start every day with (I’m not really sure the rules of fasting. Maybe I could have had water, but I wasn’t sure and there’s no way I want to try to fast for 12 hours again! Also- I didn’t brush my teeth… just in case. You cannot be too careful…. maybe I could have clarified the rules of fasting- but that’s a lot of work for someone who hadn’t eaten in nearly 12 hours!)

Ironically, that’s not even my story. When I arrived at the blood place- through the window, I saw a bunch of people in the waiting area having a lively discussion.  Of course I wanted to run for the hills, but because of the stupid fasting situation I reluctantly proceeded. I won’t even go into the crazy “discussion” of politics… you can use your imagination. But when that was done, a woman said, “And you know what else? I believe in aliens. Area 54 and all that. There are all those sightings of UFOs all around the world- all those people couldn’t be lying. And, now scientists can figure out how old things are and they have dated some things back to before the cavemen. And there’s pictures in caves. That’s how we got the technology for these babies (holding up her phone).”

Sadly, after that her husband came out from getting his blood drawn and they left. So my story ends here.

And also with you.

 

Dead Banana Peel

Preamble:

Everyone knows I have a sordid history with knives. The Prickerville incident, the Christmas ornament incident, the ham… needless to say, knife safety is a top priority in my house! (Tuck your fingers under- keep the tip of the knife down- cut away from your body)

The Main Event:

Its been cold and snowy in CT this March, so I have found myself daydreaming about Spring (just so we’re clear, by daydream- I mean incessantly pinning yard and gardening ideas on Pinterest). One thing I have learned is that banana peels are good sources of nutrients for vegetable gardens. I love bananas- I usually eat at least one a day- resulting in banana peels galore- a total score for my garden. You might think it’s okay to just toss your dead peel into the garden and be done with it, but it’s not. Number 1: gross. A bunch of dead banana peels filling up the garden looks gross. Number 2: (ha! Number 2! Hahaha!) you don’t want to invite wildlife into your vegetable garden to snack on dead banana peels. Number 3: danger! Banana peels are very slippery! It is recommended that the banana peels are chopped up into small bits before adding to your garden.

Two things about me, 1, I am a rule follower and 2, I love composting.  Now since the garden is currently snuggled in under a blanket of snow and I feel it’s in bad taste to throw all of my banana peels on top of the snow, I chose to add them to my tumbling composter. All winter I’ve been adding my coffee grounds and now with the addition of banana peels this is going to be the Mac Daddy of compost come Spring!

I’ve gotten into a groove- I have a small chopping block board  and my trusty, large chef’s knife (it makes quick work of the peels). The first week went amazing; I only had to pull my banana peels out of the trash twice! Old habits die hard) Then came Thursday and my past came back to haunt me (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, please refer to the preamble. That’s why I wrote it.) So I’m chopping through my banana peel, creeping my fingers back as I chop, when suddenly  my chopping hand got going a little quicker than my creeping hand! I did not lose a fingertip, but I did manage to shave off a portion of both fingernail AND finger. Not enough to find a chunk, but enough to bleed and hurt like crazy.  And now I have a finger (that was previously  protected by a nail) that now has NO protection. OUCH!!!!!!!!! All. The. Time.

The next day, in an effort to prep for a blizzard, I ran to Trader Joe’s and bought 5 bags of totilla chips (because they are that good) When I found THIS!!:

I think it was taunting me.

W: Is there anything else in your composter? I’m not sure banana peels and coffee grounds alone make dirt. Not that I’m an expert. But I will attest to whole peels looking gross just flung into the garden. I’ve done that. They hang around forever too. Turns out there is nothing in Illinois that naturally breaks down banana peels (besides sweet slow time). You seriously cut them up every day? Aside from that one accidental self stabbing incident a few years ago, I have pretty good knife skills. But not the will to apply them every time I enjoy and banana – which, like you, is nearly every day.  And coffee grounds go directly into the garden. I can’t even be bothered with the composter on that one. What has happened to me…? I used to be all over the composting. I might be the laziest person alive.

Is your finger ok, btw? And yes, that peel is totally taunting you. I hope you didn’t pick it up and take it home. You didn’t did you?

My dog is moaning. It is 6:30 and he wants his dinner. I am guessing my kids are going to want to eat soon too. Again.

E: my finger is fine- several weeks later and my nail is almost grown back.

Obviously,  I picked up the taunting peel, Why, pray tell, wouldn’t I?!!?!! I taught that little cuss a lesson too- julienned it right up! Ha! In. Your.  Face. banana peel!

 

Backing Away From an Angry Cat

Some people like to decorate and undecorate  for the holidays in one fell (or is it full?) swoop. One day their house is normal, the next it’s as if Christmas threw up all over it. And then it all vanishes by January 1. It’s as if NOTHING happened! No trace of Christmas at all! Not me. I like to start sneaking decorations into the house in mid November -s-l-o-w-l-y. You might not even notice it at first. Just a few snowmen here or a some glittery beads there. Then the next day I might add garland or a bowl of ornaments. Until all of the decoration boxes are empty and all of our glorious Christmas spirit is on display! Then I sit back to admire my work and the kids comes in, all full of excitement (of course) and they ask, “Mom, can we decorate today??? Please?????” Reality bites. As do my festive decorating skills apparently!

Anywho, I do the best I can…

Today I started the slow process of undecorating. It’s kind of like backing away from an angry cat. I try not to let anyone notice  as each day I grab a few ornaments and deposit them back into their proper bins in the basement. I may take a few weeks before anyone notices. Plus, as I look at my dry, shedding tree all aglow in colored lights, I am reminded of the memories made over the last few weeks (and also of a story W told me about how her neighbor’s house burned down when their Christmas tree caught on fire…).  The moral of this story is that the tree will come down this week, but the garland might be up til mid February! (And it will make me smile as I remember Exploding Cats and an epic round of 7s! #NotEverythingThatHappenedIn2016Sucked Continue reading Backing Away From an Angry Cat

TP

In case you need ANOTHER reason not to buy crappy (heehee) toilet paper:
Hub bought some CTP (crappy toilet paper) for his annual guys island camping trip (because they’re guys. On a camping trip) It went unused -and ended up in our basement for a while -then somehow worked it’s way up to our upstairs bathroom. At first I was just annoyed because it was so skimpy that I needed a TON of it-, but then, as the WEEKS dragged on, I realized that I hated it for a second reason as well. It’s so skimpy that there are LITERALLY hundreds of miles of it wound onto the cardboard roll! WTF!!?!?! It never seemed get any smaller! Finally last night- hub whipped to off the hook and we tossed it around the house, wrapped the daughter up like a mummy with it, and still had to throw most of it out!!!!
And, now, finally- ahhhhhhhj…..sweet relief of normal TP!
Seriously, spend the money. It’s worth it.